Lois never felt like she fit in. She’d go to the same stores as her classmates in grade school but pick the wrong clothes. Her dad’s profession was a source of embarrassment. Later in life, Lois sought a path out of her father’s home and married. Her husband encouraged Lois to be quieter and less herself. Lois needed a divorce, which, in 1951, necessitated a six-week stay in Reno at a “divorce ranch.”
At the divorce ranch, Lois felt insecure. The other women knew how to move through the world in ways that evaded Lois. One woman, Greer, held a toxic combination of popularity and pushing boundaries. When Greer dared Lois to steal, deface property, and engage in risky behaviors, Lois took the bait and had regretful consequences.
People want to fit in. Peer pressure occurs when one or more people directly or indirectly tell others that the only way to fit in is to behave differently. Sometimes, the behaviors suggested are low-risk, like wearing specific clothing, or positive, like completing homework or job tasks promptly. But frequently, peer pressure pushes harmful behaviors, like substance use or reckless risk-taking. Signs of bowing to peer pressure include dressing differently, changing beliefs and attitudes, disconnection/dissatisfaction with one’s life, anxiety, and depression.
Here are tips for coping with peer pressure to engage in harmful behaviors:
Learn to Say NO: If someone pressures you to do something that violates your values, desires, or beliefs, say NO. Sound awkward? Practice saying NO using a firm, polite, clear tone.
Pick Your People: Avoid spending time with people who pressure you to do wrong or dangerous things. Befriend people who share your values and like you the way you are.
Talk It Out: Discuss peer pressure situations with a trusted friend, family member, professional, or peer. Verbalizing your thoughts and getting feedback from a respected source helps clarify decisions.
Choose You: No one else is exactly like you, and you are amazing. If the only way to get someone to like you or to fit into a community is to change negatively, red flags abound.
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