Eleanor Oliphant is making her first friend. An office worker by day and lonely outside of work, Eleanor sometimes goes from Friday night to Monday morning without talking to anyone. Having no experience in social gatherings or reciprocal relationships, Eleanor never learned basic social skills like reading body language and self-editing.
Enter Raymond, a work colleague intent on becoming Eleanor’s friend. When Eleanor says uncouth things, Raymond interprets them in the most generous way possible or politely redirects. He invites her to join him at lunch and fun activities, creating comfortable routines. Others are rude or dismissive to Eleanor based on her appearance and behavior. Conversely, Raymond is open-minded, curious, and caring.
A common myth is that neurodivergent people do not want friends. In reality, friendship is essential to everyone - including neurodivergent people. However, they benefit from partnerships to form and maintain relationships. Neurodivergent people live in a world set up to accommodate neurotypical people, replete with unwritten social rules. When neurodivergent people don’t follow the norms (which they may not know, recognize, or understand), they sometimes find themselves rejected and lonely.
Neurodivergent people frequently undergo therapy and other social skills training to fit in with society. However, society does not always take equal steps to accommodate them. Many neurotypical people want to be friends with a neurodivergent person but do not know how.
Here are tips for creating and sustaining friendships with neurodiverse (and neurotypical) people:
Be Open-Minded: Interpret communication and behavior generously. Avoid judging, especially differences in perception of sensory input and slower processing speeds.
Communicate Clearly: Don’t assume that neurodiverse people can read your expressions or tone. Instead, verbalize clearly and without added non-verbal inferences.
Appreciate Strengths: Instead of focusing on your neurodivergent friend's social deficits, concentrate on their unique perspective, impressive skills, or other strengths.