Nick, an oil company lawyer, and Bet, a cryptographer turned mother and wife, married in the shadows of World War II. They were a traditional, white, upper-middle-class family, completed by their two children, Katherine and Harry. In stark juxtaposition to her parents, her father in particular, Katherine became a political activist in the 1960s. A journalist by trade, she wrote anti-war and pro-socialist stories. Katherine was frustrated at her father’s conservative viewpoints—especially when he voted for Nixon.
Given their divergent political beliefs, the family struggled to maintain positive communication. They spoke infrequently, Katherine traveled for work to avoid going home, and Nick wrote letters asking her to visit for Bet’s sake. They only reconnected after a tragedy.
It’s 2024, and many are dealing with the issue Nick, Bet, Katherine, and Harry encountered in the 1960s: maintaining loving relationships with family members who support the other candidate.
Intact relationships with relatives (even those with political differences), is generally positive for mental health. People with positive family relationships report lower rates of depression, anxiety, and loneliness, as well as increased self-esteem, a greater sense of purpose, and better coping skills.
Unfortunately, differing political views can rip families apart.
Here are tips for loving family members even when you hate their politics (labeled with the help of The Gambler by Kenny Rogers):
Know When to Hold ‘Em: You disagree on an issue. You know it. They know it. Instead of rehashing an old debate, focus on upcoming events, family, work, and hobbies. Also, use your judgment on whether it's the right time to talk politics. Hint: if you're at a wedding or birthday party, it's not the right time.
Know When to Fold 'Em: Be open to other perspectives, acknowledge valid points, and practice using the most generous interpretation to understand your relatives’ mindset.
Know When to Walk Away: If a conversation that started ok is edging towards uncomfortable, redirect it away from politics and into humor or shared interests.
Know When to Run: If you’re angry, overly activated, or about to say something that will alter the relationship, immediately take a break from the conversation.