Ethan and Gabe are in love, raising a child together, and in a generally healthy relationship. But, Ethan, a republican gay man, is rocking the boat by running for Congress. Gabe, whose politics are Ethan’s polar opposite, is frustrated and repulsed by his husband’s positions on issues. They sometimes argue. Gabe loves Ethan. But, he doesn’t want Ethan to win and questions how to maintain a relationship with someone whose views differ from his own.
These days, many are facing the same struggle; loving your partner while hating their politics.
Social media and politically aligned news sources have created echo chambers that reinforce beliefs and vilify the “other,” pushing people toward more extreme views. Political differences that once seemed minor now seem insurmountable. Leaders are polarizing.
What happens when the “other” is your spouse—the person you know to be empathetic, loving, and kind-hearted? Maybe, in the past, your political differences seemed less critical. Perhaps your partner’s or your own opinions shifted. But now, high-stakes issues divide you, and emotions run high, leaving your relationship to suffer.
Here are tools for loving your partner when you hate their politics.
Maintain Hope: Set the goal of having a strong relationship with the person you love. Accept that political beliefs are just an aspect of your partner’s identity. You can have a strong relationship despite profound political differences.
Set Boundaries: If political discussions always lead to arguments, work together to set boundaries around where, when, and how you talk politics.
Converse Respectfully: Treat your partner with respect. Avoid dismissive or hurtful language, non-verbal communication, and tone. Instead, approach disagreements with curiosity, pause conversations to cool down, and listen to each other’s deeper reasoning.
Be Mindful of Relationship Killers: Political differences are challenging. But, contempt and criticism destroy relationships. If you’re facing significant disagreements around values plus toxic behaviors, get professional help – but be aware that not all relationships can be saved.