Patch was wandering in the woods when he saw his schoolmate and crush, Misty, being attacked. Quickly, he created a diversion that allowed Misty to escape but left Patch in the attacker's bullseye, and he was kidnapped. Patch was locked away for months in complete darkness with another victim, Grace. Ultimately, Patch was rescued, but Grace was not.
Misty felt guilty that Patch’s heroism led to his kidnapping. She struggled to engage with friends. When Patch returned, she tried to make it up to him with her time, attention, and terrible cooking. Patch was remorseful for being rescued without Grace. He dedicated himself to helping missing and exploited women, sacrificing his personal life to try to save others.
Patch and Misty experienced survivor guilt, the distress associated with surviving an incident relatively unscathed compared to others. It develops after a traumatizing incident feels arbitrary, leaving a person to wonder, “Why did that happen to them and not me?” Empathy emerges, resulting in the person thinking they were randomly spared and that their safety was undeserved.
Symptoms of survivor guilt include numbness, shame, social disconnection, and depression. People with survivor guilt think they must help others and that they can never do enough. This leads to an outpouring of seemingly futile effort and deepening guilt.
Here are strategies to overcome survivor guilt.
Grieve Associated Losses: Survivors are frequently only lucky in comparison and may also have experienced trauma. Acknowledge what you endured and allow yourself to heal.
Set Achievable Goals: If a problem is out of your control, consider dedicating a set amount of time / money / effort to helping. Acknowledge completing these goals and devise new ones.
Take Care of Yourself: Eat enough, move your body, sleep well, and practice self-care. Coping is non-negotiable. If you aren’t using healthy skills, unhealthy ones could creep in.
Talk to People Who Get It: Talk with a mental health professional, therapy group, or person with a similar experience. Connection and support in a community that understands is restorative.
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